What if the greatest obstacle to hearing the soul isn’t the world around us…
but the identity we’ve built to survive within it?
In this episode, we explore what the ego really is, why it develops, and how it can slowly become the false self—the identity we construct to survive, belong, and protect ourselves from pain.
Drawing from Carl Jung, mythology, fairy tales, scripture, psychology, and spiritual traditions, we’ll discover why ancient stories are filled with armor, towers, barren kingdoms, and wounded kings—and what these timeless symbols reveal about our own inner lives.
Rather than trying to destroy the ego, we’ll discover its true purpose: not as the ruler of the kingdom, but as a faithful steward of the soul.
In this episode, we explore:
- What the ego really is—and why it isn’t the enemy.
- Carl Jung’s concepts of the persona, the false self, and the Self.
- Why we build emotional armor after pain, rejection, shame, and trauma.
- The symbolism of armor, towers, barren kingdoms, and wounded kings in mythology and fairy tales.
- How fear shapes our identity and disconnects us from the soul.
- Why external success can never heal an inner exile.
- How to begin discerning between the voice of the ego and the quiet wisdom of the soul.
- Why awareness is always the first step on the journey home.
Stories, thinkers, and traditions featured:
- Perceval and the Fisher King
- Genesis and the Garden of Eden
- The Handless Maiden
- Briar Rose (Sleeping Beauty)
- Snow White
- Moana
- Carl Jung
- James Hollis
- Donald Winnicott
- Gabor Maté
- Buddhism
- Hinduism
- Sufism
- The Tao Te Ching
- The Gospel of Thomas
Reflection Questions
- Where have I built armor to protect an old wound?
- What identity have I mistaken for who I truly am?
- When does my ego speak through fear, control, or performance?
- When have I sensed the quieter voice of my soul?
- What might my soul be inviting me toward today?
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Until next time, my friends…
May you know thy soul. It already knows the way.
Prefer to read?
The full episode transcript is below.
Hi friends.
Welcome to Know Thy Soul, where we explore the stories, symbols, and truths that help us reconnect.
In last week’s episode, I spoke entirely about the soul and how the stories are pointing us back to it. But when we start navigating our inner world, one of the most important questions is this: what disconnects us from the soul?
The answer is simple: the ego.
So this episode, we are going to dive into all things ego.
But in order to really understand the ego, let’s take a look back at the stories. Many often begin with a kingdom. Maybe its in disorder, or a barren land, or the king and queen can’t have a baby or maybe there’s the death of a parent.
The kingdom is symbolic of our inner world. Our consciousness. The landscape within us that contains all of our thoughts, emotions, instincts, wounds, gifts, fears, and inner knowing. Even Jesus knew this when he said “the kingdom of heaven is within.”
And when the stories describe the kingdom as barren or dying, they are pointing to an inner world that has lost connection to the soul and are often describing what happens inside us when fear, performance, and survival become more powerful than truth.
The waters dry up.
The land hardens.
The first people are exiled.
The queen disappears.
The king becomes wounded.
And the kingdom slowly loses its connection to life itself.
That’s what happens when the ego takes the throne by itself.
According to Carl Jung, the ego is our conscious sense of self, and part of the way it protects itself is by building what he called the persona: the mask or identity we present to the world in order to belong, survive, and feel safe.
But Jung wasn’t the only one pointing toward this idea.
Jungian analyst James Hollis often points out, much of what we call personality isn’t who we are. It’s who we learned we had to become.
Psychologist Donald Winnicott described something similar through what he called the True Self and the False Self.
And physician and trauma expert Gabor Maté reminds us that children will always sacrifice authenticity for attachment. In other words, if being fully ourselves threatens our connection with the people we depend on, we learn to become someone else.
Remarkably, we find this same pattern echoed across spiritual traditions.
Buddhism speaks of the illusion of a separate self, the identity we cling to as though it defines who we are.
In Hinduism, the ego is often called ahamkara (uh-hum-cara), literally “the I-maker.” It is the part of us that constantly says, “I am this. I am that. I am my success. I am my failures. I am my reputation. I am my possessions.”
The Sufis spoke of the nafs, the lower self that is driven by fear, pride, and attachment until it is transformed through love.
Different traditions.
Different language.
But remarkably similar observations.
But Jung also believed there was something beneath that constructed identity. He called it the Self with a capital S, the deeper wholeness within us that exists beneath the masks, conditioning, wounds, and roles we’ve acquired throughout life.
Many spiritual traditions point toward this same inner reality using different language. Throughout this podcast, I’ll refer to it as the soul: the spiritual part of who we are and, I believe, our direct connection to the divine.
While psychology has given us profound insights into the mind, many of its modern approaches stop there. They help us understand our thoughts, emotions, defenses, and wounds, but often have little to say about our relationship with the divine.
The great spiritual traditions remind us that we are more than our personalities. Beneath our thoughts, our roles, our conditioning, and the identities we’ve constructed is something eternal, something sacred. The soul: our deepest self and our direct connection to God.
The ego is only one part of the kingdom, but it often tries to rule the kingdom itself. What was meant to be a faithful servant, often becomes a dictator.
It’s interesting that after eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, God says, “Now Adam has become like *one* of us.”
Did you catch that? “One of us.” One.
Throughout this podcast, we’re going to discover that reality is filled with complementary pairs designed to operate as one.
The king and queen.
The masculine and feminine.
Woman and man.
The inner and the outer.
Heaven and earth.
The ego and the soul.
Wholeness happens when those pairs work in harmony. But here, one part begins acting as though it can rule on its own, resulting in the wasteland, the exile, the desert, the barren kingdom.
What once operated as a unified pair, working in harmony, has now become divided. One part begins ruling over the other.
In the inner world, the rational mind begins operating as though it can rule the kingdom on its own.
In the outer world, we don’t have to look far into history to see what happens when one part claims the throne for itself. Kingdoms are conquered. Wars are fought. Empires are built. Nature is exploited. Peoples are enslaved. The feminine—both within us and among us—is diminished. Its wisdom is distrusted. Its voice is silenced. Women are treated as possessions rather than equal partners. The balance the stories were trying to protect is lost.
The ego then starts dividing the world into categories, judging, labeling, deciding what is good and what is bad, who is right and who is wrong, who belongs and who doesn’t. And before long, it begins identifying with those judgments, forgetting that it was never meant to rule the kingdom by itself.
That ability is a gift, but when it believes it alone should rule the kingdom, we lose touch with the inner wisdom that first guided us.
The problem isn’t that we have an ego. The problem is that we’ve allowed it to rule the kingdom unchecked.
And once you begin recognizing the ego as the false king, you’ll start seeing that same pattern everywhere—in fairy tales, mythology, scripture, and even in your own life.
The soul is the Queen. She is the inner wisdom within us, our direct connection to God. Her voice is quieter than the ego’s, but infinitely wiser. The journey isn’t to destroy the king, but to heal him, so that he once again serves the Queen and the kingdom returns to harmony.
Contrary to what many spiritual gurus may be teaching, the ego is not evil.
Its role is to help us navigate the world.
And at its best, it serves as a guardian of the soul, helping us bring our gifts into the world and protecting the conditions necessary for life to flourish.
But when it loses connection to the soul, often through pain, fear, or loss, it becomes wounded.
And in its attempt to keep us safe, it begins building the persona.
The mask we present to the world.
The identity we believe we must become in order to belong, survive, and avoid being hurt.
It says:
Stay safe at all costs.
You have to fit in to belong.
You have to perform to be loved.
You have to control to avoid the unknown.
And you have to avoid pain at all costs.
The stories are filled with characters representing the wounded ego and the ways fear distorts us.
It is the father in Moana who believes control and safety are more important than his daughter’s soul’s calling.
It is the wicked queen in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs whose worth has become completely tied to beauty and external validation.
It is the desperate father in The Handless Maiden who sacrifices his daughter’s hands in exchange for security, wealth, and survival.
Again and again, the stories show us what happens when fear, control, and wounded identity rule the kingdom unchecked.
But one of the best stories I know that describes the inner journey of the ego is the story of Perceval from The Fisher King.
Perceval is a knight in the King Arthur tales, and one of the defining moments in his story is when he puts on a suit of armor.
And armor is such a powerful metaphor for the structures the ego builds to survive.
Because armor is not evil.
Armor is protection.
We put it on because something in us once got hurt.
Maybe we were rejected.
Maybe we were shamed.
Maybe we learned it wasn’t safe to feel, trust, speak, soften, or be fully ourselves.
We see this armor everywhere in the stories.
The moment Adam and Eve eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, they immediately cover themselves with fig leaves and hide in fear.
The armor appears the moment they stop feeling safe.
In Moana, her father witnesses his friend die at sea and vows that no one will venture beyond the reef again.
What begins as protection eventually becomes limitation.
The very thing meant to keep us safe can also keep us from fully living and it’s the very rule that moana must break to answer her souls calling, rescue her kingdom from darkness and restore the heart of Tefiti.
And the same thing happens within us.
And in so many fairy tales, the feminine becomes locked away in a tower.
The tower isn’t just a physical prison, the tower is armor too.
A protected place.
An isolated place.
A place built after pain, fear, betrayal, or disconnection.
A place that whispers: hide, stay safe, and never let yourself be hurt like that again.
And while the tower may keep danger out…
it also keeps life out.
What’s that look like in real life?
Well, when I was in middle school, someone close to me constantly criticized me and especially my body, calling me fat multiple times a day.
It wasn’t just the word fat.
It was the way I was laughed at when I made mistakes.
The way I felt picked apart, judged and diminished.
And over time, I began internalizing the belief that there was something fundamentally unworthy about me and even about my body itself.
And I don’t really know how to describe what rejection from someone who is supposed to love you feels like…
but I probably don’t have to.
Because if you’ve made it through childhood, chances are you’ve experienced some version of it too.
Maybe the words were different.
Maybe the wounds were different.
But you know what I mean.
Those words slowly wove themselves into the way I saw myself, and especially into the way I related to my body.
I carried so much shame around it.
And of course, growing up in a culture that constantly tells women their value is tied to the appearance of their bodies only deepened that wound.
So I became disconnected from my body.
I felt like everyone was judging me, looking at me and laughing the moment I turned away.
I avoided tight clothes for years because of it, I still do.
I found ways to minimize being seen in a bathing suit.
And I locked away parts of my sexuality because I was terrified of being judged.
Even the word “fat” itself held enormous power over me.
If someone used it, even casually, something inside me would immediately react.
I would spiral internally, get defensive, shut down or lash out.
And looking back now, I can see that my ego was desperately trying to protect a wound.
I truly believed something was inherently wrong with me.
And because of that, I learned to hide, to protect, to guard and to armor myself against rejection.
Because when something painful attaches itself to our identity, the ego learns to never let that pain happen again.
So it builds armor around the wound.
And often, we don’t even realize how much of our lives become organized around protecting old pain.
Because beneath so much armor is hurt.
But in that hurt, I also carried a tremendous amount of anger.
The story of Briar Rose illustrates this beautifully. In the original version of the story, the one many people know as Sleeping Beauty, thick briars and thorned vines grow all around the tower where she was put to sleep.
These vines aren’t passive.
In the original story, they actually kill anyone who tries to force their way through them.
And I think we all know people like this. People who shut down, become defensive, overreact, or push others away the moment they feel emotionally threatened. Those are often the briars they built around their sleeping maiden.
And those briars are usually much easier to see in other people than they are in ourselves.
The real work is learning to recognize the vines within us, to feel the pain they are protecting instead of projecting that pain onto everyone around us.
In my case, I believed my anger was justified. I believed that they deserved it.
And deep down, I believed the only way the anger would finally go away was if they somehow became a different person or acknowledged the depth of the hurt they caused.
Those briars symbolize what happens when pain goes unhealed, unnoticed, and unacknowledged for too long.
The heart doesn’t just hurt.
It hardens.
It protects itself.
Defending itself.
It lashes outward before anyone can come close
Pushing people away before they have the chance to wound us again.
And often beneath defensiveness, irritability, control, anger, or emotional withdrawal is simply an old wound trying desperately not to be touched again.
Because once something inside us has been hurt badly enough, the ego begins reorganizing our lives around protection.
And sometimes that protection doesn’t just hide our pain.
Sometimes it hides our gifts too.
When I was younger, teachers constantly scolded me for talking in class.
And to be fair… I probably was talking too much.
But looking back now, I can also see that speaking, storytelling, and sharing ideas are essential to who I am.
It’s why I created this podcast.
Why I am writing books.
Why I work 1-1 with clients,
Why stories have always felt alive to me.
But every time I was told to stop talking, I internalized a belief that what I have to say isn’t wanted.
Or I remember a time in class when I got really excited about something, and another girl, whose name I will never forget, made fun of how enthusiastic I was.
In that moment, I internalized another belief about myself: that my excitement was too much, embarrassing and that I better do everything I could to hide it.
And now, years later, I can see that enthusiasm is actually one of my gifts… one we all have access to.
But it took a lot of inner work to reclaim it.
Last week, I told you the story of choosing civil engineering over architecture.
At the time, I thought I was simply making the responsible decision.
And in many ways, I was.
A part of me genuinely believed it was protecting me.
I was scared.
What if I didn’t make enough money?
What if I couldn’t find a job?
And underneath all of that was another belief:
that the people outside of me knew better for me than I knew for myself.
That life was about following the rules.
Choosing what was practical.
Safe.
Responsible.
And civil engineering was all of those things.
It was stable, respected, and completely predictable.
But for me, it was also incredibly lifeless.
The passion I once felt was nowhere to be found there.
And this is what the ego often does.
It moves toward what feels safe and certain, even when the soul is quietly trying to lead us somewhere else.
And looking back now, I can see that the decision itself wasn’t the deepest issue.
The deeper issue was that I slowly stopped trusting the quieter voice within me.
I overrode it.
And the more we override that inner knowing, the quieter it seems to become.
Not because it disappears.
But because we stop listening.
And this is why the armor metaphor is so powerful.
Because no one consciously decides:
“I want to disconnect from my soul.”
The armor forms gradually.
One reasonable decision at a time.
One moment of self-abandonment at a time.
One compromise at a time.
Until eventually, we become highly functional in a life that’s not aligned to who we truly are.
And I think many people live there for far longer than they realize.
As I mentioned earlier, across psychology and the great spiritual traditions, we find different names for this condition: the persona, the false self, the psyche, the ahamkara, the nafs (nah-fs). Different words, but they all point toward the same human tendency to mistake the identity we’ve constructed for who we truly are.
Jesus seems to point toward this same reality.
The Greek word he often uses is psychē, the word from which we get psychology. Depending on the context, it can be translated as life, self, or soul.
So when Jesus says,
“For what will it profit a person if they gain the whole world and forfeit their soul?”
I can’t help but wonder if he’s pointing us toward this same transformation. What if he isn’t inviting us to destroy ourselves, but to let go of the false identity we’ve constructed so we can discover the truer life that has been there all along?
The apostle Paul echoes this beautifully in Ephesians when he writes,
“Put off your old self… and put on the new self.”
We cannot discover who we truly are while clinging to who we think we have to be.
The ego builds a kingdom around itself. The soul seeks first the Kingdom of God. It lives in relationship with something greater than itself. Different traditions use different language for that reality: God, the Divine, the Tao, Brahman, Great Spirit.
In fact, the very first line of the Tao Te Ching reminds us, “The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao. The name that can be named is not the eternal name.”
No word can fully contain the mystery. The names themselves are not the destination. They simply point to something beyond themselves.
But whatever name we use, the soul recognizes that the mystery itself is always greater than our words, and that we are not the center of the universe.
The challenge is that most of us don’t realize which kingdom we’re living from.
Because the armor, the false self, the ego…
can become so normal, so socially rewarded, that we mistake survival for truth.
And because of that, we are all far more armored than we realize.
Sometimes armor looks like perfectionism or the constant pressure to hold everything together.
Sometimes it looks like becoming the person who is always strong, always helping, and never needing anything from anyone else.
Sometimes it looks like sarcasm, hyper-independence, overworking, or staying so busy that we never slow down long enough to actually feel what’s happening inside us.
And sometimes armor even disguises itself as spirituality.
We meditate.
Read books and memorize scriptures
Show up every Sunday,
follow all the rules,
While still remaining disconnected with our soul, or with our actual grief, or our fear, or even our vulnerability.
And after awhile, the armor doesn’t just protect us from pain.
It separates us from joy, from feeling honestly, loving openly, listening fully and from trusting ourselves and others.
At first, the armor helps us survive.
Coping mechanisms exist for a reason. When we are being hurt, neglected, rejected, or emotionally unsafe, we do what we need to do in order to survive.
The problem is that many of us never learned how to set those protective patterns down once the danger had passed.
So slowly, the armor that once protected us begins separating us not only from other people, but from ourselves.
We begin seeing our emotions, intuition, and even the signals from our own bodies as things to control, suppress, manage, or override rather than as something worthy of listening to.
And when we become disconnected from ourselves, we often begin searching outside of ourselves for something to fill the emptiness we feel within.
The ego begins chasing things it believes will finally make us feel whole.
We search for validation through other people’s approval and opinions of us.
We chase achievement through careers, accomplishments, or constantly trying to prove our worth.
We seek attention because being seen feels safer than feeling invisible.
We grasp for control because uncertainty feels terrifying to the wounded ego.
Not because these things are inherently bad, but because the wounded ego hopes they will soothe the pain, insecurity, or disconnection it is carrying.
And if there’s one thing you take away from this episode… now might be a good time to grab a pen… it’s this:
External things can never fully resolve an inner exile.
So many of us are doing this constantly without even realizing it.
And the stories show us what happens when the wounded ego rules the kingdom unchecked.
The queen becomes desperate to be the most beautiful.
The miller becomes consumed with wealth and security.
Perceval spends decades trying to prove himself through rescuing maidens and defending kingdoms.
And the Little Mermaid gives away her own voice in order to be loved and accepted in another world.
Again and again, the stories show us what happens when the ego believes safety, worth, or wholeness must be earned externally.
Over time, we become so attached to the identities we built in order to survive that we stop simply playing roles in the world and begin mistaking those roles for who we actually are.
We become the good girl who keeps everyone happy at the expense of herself.
The helper who feels responsible for fixing everyone else’s pain.
The strong one who never allows herself to need anything.
The achiever who doesn’t know how to stop because achievement has become tied to identity and worth.
The spiritual one who uses wisdom, healing, or positivity to avoid facing unresolved pain.
And if those identities begin to crack, it can feel like we are disappearing with them.
The wounded ego believes: “If this identity collapses, I collapse.”
To the ego, anything that threatens the identity it has built for survival can begin to feel dangerous… even the soul itself.
Because the soul asks us to change, to soften, to let go of the identities we’ve outgrown, and to become honest enough to step beyond the armor we once believed was keeping us safe.
And sometimes the ego would rather wall off those inner truths than face the uncertainty they bring.
There’s a reason so many stories contain prisons, towers, caves, walls, and underground chambers.
Again and again, the stories show us something essential being buried, hidden, exiled, or sealed away.
Not because it is gone…
but because we became afraid of what it might ask of us.
I lied… there are actually two things worth writing down.
The stories keep telling us the same thing over and over again:
Something sacred within us has been exiled.
But the good news is that the exile is not permanent.
And the stories once again show us the way back.
The first step is always awareness.
The awareness that something feels off.
That despite everything looking fine from the outside, something inside us has gone quiet.
And then comes the desire to return.
To reconnect.
To remember.
To heal.
That’s why so many of these stories take us on a journey through forests, into the underworld, or out across the sea.
These places symbolize the inner world. The hidden landscape within us that holds our wounds, beliefs, fears, conditioning, and forgotten parts of ourselves.
And in order to reconnect with the soul, we often have to journey into those places and begin rewriting the stories we believe about who we are.
I had to learn to see my body through my own eyes instead of through the eyes of judgment and shame.
I had to realize that other people’s judgments were not truths about me. Often, they were reflections of wounds they themselves had never healed.
And over time, I began discovering that my body had wisdom to offer me too.
The tightness in my stomach.
The heaviness in my chest.
The moments my whole body lit up with excitement or resonance.
They were all trying to guide me somewhere.
Like lighthouses pointing me toward what my soul already knew.
I had to learn that my voice matters.
That I do have something important to say.
We all do.
And I had to learn that enthusiasm is not childish or embarrassing.
It’s sacred.
Even the word itself speaks to its sacredness. Enthusiasm comes from the Greek en-theos, meaning filled with God.
And when I began listening to what genuinely lit me up and brought me alive, I started realizing that enthusiasm was one of the ways my soul speaks to me.
Not every impulse.
Not every craving.
But those moments of aliveness, when my heart felt like it might burst out of my chest.
Every time I followed that feeling, life began opening in ways I could never have logically planned.
And over time, I started noticing something important.
The soul’s longing leaves us feeling more connected, alive, and fulfilled.
But ego-driven craving often leaves us temporarily relieved while somehow becoming even hungrier underneath.
More money.
More validation.
More sex.
More power.
More success.
More things.
I said it before, but I’ll say it again:
You can never fill an inner exile with outer things.
And you might be thinking:
“That’s great, Jenn. I did write it down. But how exactly do you fill the inner exile?”
Well… I’m so glad you asked.
You begin by putting the ego in its proper place and learning how to listen to the voice of the soul.
And you also might be thinking:
“Okay, sounds great. But how do you actually discern between the voice of the soul and the voice of the ego?”
To which I would respond:
that’s exactly why I created this podcast.
Because it’s not as simple as asking yourself:
“Is this my soul or my ego?”
If the ego still rules the barren kingdom unchecked, it will often convince you that its fears, cravings, and attachments are truth.
And it’s not acting alone. Much of the world reinforces the same message. It tells us that our worth comes from achievement, appearance, status, certainty, productivity, or what others think of us.
Jesus said, “Wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many travel it. But narrow is the gate and difficult is the way that leads to life, and few find it.”
The hardest part is that the ego usually speaks with the voice of consensus. It sounds like the crowd. It tells us that if everyone believes it, it must be true.
But consensus and truth are not the same thing.
And fitting in is rarely how we find the soul.
And we also live in a world that wants quick fixes and immediate answers. You probably want me to give you 5 simple steps to reconnect to your soul.
But that’s not how this journey works.
In a few episodes, we’ll see how the Handless Maiden spends seven years in the Here All Dwell Free House in the distant forest growing her hands back.
And then, her king spends another seven years wandering the forest searching for her.
Because healing takes time.
And not just time, but space.
Stillness.
Solitude.
A willingness to step away from the noise of the world long enough to finally hear ourselves again.
You show up for yourself over and over again.
You listen.
You become more honest.
More aware.
Sometimes you move forward.
Sometimes you fall backward.
But slowly, over time, something begins softening.
Something begins returning.
And eventually, you begin recognizing the soul not because someone tells you where it is…
but because you learn the feeling of its voice.
Because the soul speaks differently.
Quietly.
Not through fear.
Not through force.
The soul rarely screams over the noise of the world.
It whispers.
It whispers through resonance.
Through intuition.
Through the feeling that something is off even when everything looks fine from the outside.
It whispers through longing.
Through grief.
Through the quiet ache that tells us there must be more to life than performance, achievement, and survival.
And the difficult part is that the ego always sounds louder.
More urgent.
More convincing.
More logical.
But the soul feels different.
Not forceful.
Not frantic.
True.
The ego shouts to protect itself.
The soul whispers because it does not need to prove itself.
So I hope I proved that we are not here to destroy the ego.
We are here to heal it.
Because a healthy ego is actually necessary.
Without it, we couldn’t navigate the physical world.
We couldn’t create boundaries.
Make decisions.
Maintain a sense of identity.
Function in daily life.
Without the king, the handless maiden would never leave the here all dwell free house. She is the queen of the inner world, he is the king of the outer. Together, they are the bridge between inner and outer, heaven and earth, ego and soul.
The goal is not ego death in the simplistic sense.
It’s integration.
A healed ego no longer rules the kingdom through fear.
Instead, it becomes a steward.
An advisor.
A protector of the inner world rather than its dictator.
I recently came across a playful acronym for ego. One interpretation says ego means “Edging God Out.” Another says it means “Embracing God’s Order.”
Whether or not it’s linguistically accurate isn’t the point. What struck me was how perfectly it describes the journey of a healed ego.
A wounded ego tries to control life by edging God out.
A healed ego learns to embrace God’s order and, in doing so, becomes capable of expressing it.
It stops trying to replace the wisdom within and instead becomes its steward, helping to express that wisdom in the world.
When the ego takes the lead, life can become an exhausting attempt to control, manage, predict, and force outcomes.
But when we relax our grip just enough to listen, trust, and follow the wisdom within us, we begin to ease into a larger order that was already present.
Not because we stop thinking.
Not because we become passive.
But because we stop asking the thinking mind to do a job it was never designed to do.
My own ego had to learn that it was not meant to take orders from the outside world.
Not from other people’s expectations.
Not from fear.
Not from a rigid set of external rules about who I should be.
Its role was to learn how to come into relationship with something truer.
To become aligned with the person God created me to be.
And I think this is the true meaning of authenticity and wholeness.
Not perfection.
Not becoming someone else.
But the restoration of relationship within the inner world.
There’s a beautiful line from the Gospel of Thomas that says:
“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”
And I think that may be one of the most essential spiritual truths we can learn.
Because the soul is always trying to bring something through us:
our voice,
our gifts,
our truth,
our aliveness,
our deeper nature.
But the soul isn’t meant to remain hidden within us. It is the ego’s rightful role to give those inner truths expression in the world. To speak the words. To create the art. To build the relationships. To bring the unseen into the seen.
When the ego is aligned with the soul, life begins to open. But when fear takes over, the ego does the opposite. It builds armor. Walls. Towers. Masks. It stops the very thing the soul is trying to bring forth.
And that’s where suffering begins.
When our voice is buried beneath fear.
Our gifts beneath shame.
Our truth beneath conditioning.
Not because the soul has disappeared…
but because we’ve become afraid to let it live through us.
We become whole when:
The soul is no longer buried beneath armor.
The body is no longer silenced.
The feminine is no longer severed or hidden.
The masculine is no longer disconnected from feeling.
And the conscious and subconscious begin speaking to one another again.
We are not trying to eliminate the ego.
We are trying to place it into relationship with something greater:
the soul.
The Self with a capital S.
The spiritual essence of who we are.
The goal is not to destroy the ego.
The goal is to stop mistaking it for who you truly are.
I sometimes think of life like a virtual reality game.
Our soul is the player. Our body, personality, and circumstances are the character we’re playing.
The game isn’t the problem.
The problem begins when we forget that we’re playing it.
When we become so identified with the character, its fears, its wounds, its achievements, and its story, that we lose touch with the spiritual awareness behind it all.
Many spiritual traditions point to this in different ways.
Not because the body or the world are unimportant, but because they are not the whole story.
There is something within us that is watching, experiencing, learning, and growing through it all.
In many of these stories, the king and queen symbolize these two forces within us.
If we continue the virtual reality analogy, the king is often the part of us focused on the game itself.
The part concerned with goals, achievements, status, survival, and navigating the world around us.
The king often represents the outward-facing self.
The queen represents the inner world, wisdom, intuition, soul, feelings, and the inner knowing that remains connected to life beneath appearances.
And when the king rules without the queen, the kingdom falls out of balance.
One of the reasons this inner work is so difficult is because the ego is incredibly convincing, especially when it’s wounded.
It rarely reveals itself honestly.
Fear disguises itself as logic.
Self-protection disguises itself as wisdom.
Control disguises itself as responsibility.
And old wounds disguise themselves as truth.
We tell ourselves:
“I’m just being realistic.”
“This probably won’t work.”
“I should wait until I’m more prepared.”
But often beneath that reasoning is fear.
Fear of failure.
Fear of rejection.
Fear of being seen.
And over time, the ego becomes attached to those identities like the good girl, or the achiever of the helper that it built in order to survive.
Eventually, we stop playing the role and begin mistaking the role for who we are.
The stories warn us about this constantly.
The armor becomes so heavy that the knight forgets there was ever a self beneath it.
And the wounded ego becomes quick to blame because blame protects the identity it has built.
We see this in Genesis immediately when Adam’s first words to God are: “The woman you gave me, she gave me the fruit…”
The responsibility moves outward.
But the healed ego responds differently.
Not with shame or self-attack, but with honesty.
With reflection.
With humility.
With the willingness to remain present even when something uncomfortable is being revealed.
Because the wounded ego clings to control.
But the healed ego becomes willing to listen to what the soul sees.
Instead of ruling the kingdom through fear, it becomes a faithful steward of the soul.
A protector not of identity, but of truth.
(that was good, write that down too)
And maybe that’s why, in the end, Perceval must finally remove his armor before he can enter the castle and heal the wounded king.
Because healing does not happen through force.
It happens through vulnerability.
Compassion.
Presence.
And the willingness to finally lay down the identities we built in order to survive.
And maybe that’s why these stories have survived for thousands of years.
Because they are not just stories about kingdoms and knights and queens.
They are stories about us.
About the armor we wear.
The identities we cling to.
The wounds we protect.
The parts of ourselves we exile.
But they are also stories about return.
About remembering.
About slowly learning how to place the soul back on the throne of the inner kingdom.
The stories across all the traditions seem to describe this same inner split over and over again.
Different names.
Different symbols.
Different cultures.
But the same pattern.
And there’s no one story that tells it perfectly.
Each one carries a different piece of the puzzle.
One tells the story of exile.
Another, the loss of the feminine.
Another, the battle within.
Another, the armor we build to survive.
Another, the journey back to wholeness.
And when you begin placing those pieces together, a much larger picture starts to emerge.
Not just about the stories…
but about us.
About the identities we built.
The armor we wear.
The parts of ourselves we abandoned in order to survive.
And the inner voice that has quietly been trying to guide us home all along.
So maybe this week, begin paying attention.
What voice has been running your inner world?
Fear?
Performance?
Control?
Protection?
Or something quieter…
something deeper…
something true?
And maybe ask yourself:
Where have I armored myself?
Where have I hidden?
What part of me is still waiting to come home?
Because I think that’s what these stories have been trying to teach us all along.
So as you leave this episode, I want to invite you to become curious.
Not about what’s wrong with you.
Not about what needs fixing.
But about the armor you may be carrying.
Where did it come from?
What wound was it trying to protect?
And is it still serving you?
Maybe it’s perfectionism.
Maybe it’s people-pleasing.
Maybe it’s always being strong.
Maybe it’s staying busy.
Maybe it’s the belief that you have to earn love, prove yourself, or keep everyone else happy.
The armor forms for a reason.
It helped us survive.
The question is whether it’s still helping us live.
This week, notice the moments when you feel yourself tighten.
Notice the moments when you become defensive, reactive, afraid, or shut down.
Not with judgment.
With curiosity.
Because beneath so much armor is simply a part of us that was hurt and is still trying to stay safe.
And perhaps the first step toward healing isn’t tearing the armor off.
Perhaps it’s simply becoming aware that we’re wearing it.
Because awareness is where every journey home begins.
And next time, we’re going to take a step back and ask a different question.
Why stories?
Why have they survived for thousands of years?
And what if they’re much more than entertainment?
What if they’ve been maps all along…
Pointing us home.
Until next time friends…
may you know thy soul.
It already knows the way.
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